Tendinga gentle place to grieve

The research behind Tending

Tending’s guidance draws on published bereavement research. Here is what each idea is, how Tending uses it, and where it comes from.

Why start with pet loss

Researchers have long described pet loss as disenfranchised grief: a real loss that the people around you often don’t treat as one. In a 2026 UK study, 1 in 5 people who had lost both a pet and a person said the pet’s death was the more distressing of the two. In a 2020 US survey of owners who had a pet put to sleep, about 3 in 4 said they mourned privately, and fewer than 1 in 100 joined a support group.

The five frameworks

  • Disenfranchised grief. Grief that isn’t openly acknowledged or socially supported. Tending opens every path by saying plainly that this loss is real. Doka, 1989; Cordaro, 2012.
  • The dual process model. Healthy grieving moves back and forth between facing the loss and rebuilding daily life. Tending pairs its writing prompts the same way. Stroebe and Schut, 1999 and 2010.
  • Cognitive restructuring, from cognitive behavioural therapy. Gently checking a painful thought against what you actually knew at the time. Tending uses it for guilt loops, such as “did I do it too soon, or too late?” Shear and colleagues, 2005; Boelen and colleagues, 2007.
  • Continuing bonds. The relationship doesn’t have to end because a life did. Tending’s memory space is built around this. Klass, Silverman and Nickman, 1996.
  • Safety planning. A short plan you write while calm, listing your warning signs, what helps and who to contact. Tending’s safety plan and Need support flow are based on it. Stanley and Brown, 2012.

What we don’t claim

Tending is not therapy, counselling or a medical service. It doesn’t diagnose, treat or cure anything, and it isn’t a crisis service. It’s a private, guided space to work through grief, built on the ideas above. If you’re struggling, please talk to a doctor or counsellor, or contact a crisis line.

Full sources

  • Boelen, P. A., de Keijser, J., van den Hout, M. A., and van den Bout, J. (2007). Treatment of complicated grief: A comparison between cognitive-behavioral therapy and supportive counseling. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 75(2).
  • Cordaro, M. (2012). Pet loss and disenfranchised grief: Implications for mental health counseling practice. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 34(4), 283 to 294. doi.org/10.17744/mehc.34.4.41q0248450t98072
  • Doka, K. J. (Ed.) (1989). Disenfranchised grief: Recognizing hidden sorrow. Lexington Books.
  • Hyland, P. (2026). No pets allowed: Evidence that prolonged grief disorder can occur following the death of a pet. PLOS ONE. doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0339213
  • Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., and Nickman, S. L. (Eds.) (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor and Francis.
  • Park, R., and Royal, K. (2020). A national survey of companion animal owners’ self-reported methods of coping following euthanasia. Veterinary Sciences, 7(3), 89. doi.org/10.3390/vetsci7030089
  • Shear, K., Frank, E., Houck, P. R., and Reynolds, C. F. (2005). Treatment of complicated grief: A randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 293(21), 2601 to 2608. doi.org/10.1001/jama.293.21.2601
  • Stanley, B., and Brown, G. K. (2012). Safety planning intervention: A brief intervention to mitigate suicide risk. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 19(2), 256 to 264. doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2011.01.001
  • Stroebe, M., and Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197 to 224. doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046
  • Stroebe, M., and Schut, H. (2010). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: A decade on. Omega, 61(4), 273 to 289. doi.org/10.2190/OM.61.4.b
  • The 58% figure on the home page comes from a survey of 2,026 UK adults commissioned by the pet brand Itch in 2021. It is market research, not a peer-reviewed study.